Picture the scene: Stroud B, home game, squash balls flying about like hyperactive moths in a streetlight. But sadly, it wasn’t quite the fairy-tale ending for the Stroud ‘B’. It was a bit like when you open a bag of crisps and find it's mostly air – lots of effort, but not the reward you were hoping for.
The night kicked off with Oakley and Chris stepping up at numbers 5 and 4, facing opponents who were, let’s be honest, fresh out of the wrapper. These lads were young, fast, and had energy levels that made you want to check if they’d been plugged into a charger before the match. Both games were long – some proper lung-busting rallies – but in the end, Oakley and Chris came up short. Still, a solid effort! You put the "fight" in "fighting spirit."
Next up was Jemal at number 3. Jemal was up against this proper skilful chap – the type who probably sleeps with a squash racket under his pillow. Jemal gave it a proper go, but it was like trying to beat Usain Bolt in a three-legged race – just a bit too much to handle. Lost in three, but hey, he made his opponent work for it.
Then came Oliver at number 2. Now, Oliver’s games were tight, but he pulled it out of the bag! Straight games win – boom!
Finally, Simon took to the court at number 1, with the pride of Stroud B on his shoulders. The rest of us were already drowning our sorrows in isotonic sports drinks. Simon, though, put on a proper masterclass – precision shots, court craft, the works. His opponent knew he couldn’t take his foot off the gas, or Simon would swoop in like a squash-playing ninja. In the end, despite Simon’s heroics, it wasn’t to be. A cracking match, though – hats off to both players.
Final score: CLC B 4, Stroud B 1. But do you know who the real winner was? Squash. And possibly the local curry house, as we all piled in afterwards to dissect the match over naan bread and tasty curry. Because, let’s be honest, a post-match curry is what it’s really all about.